Trapped inside

She never thought of herself as capable. Everyone else insisted that she was, but inside she felt like a small motherless child. And when disasters struck, as disasters do, the adult part of her disappeared. Then she really was motherless again. How does a child navigate life? she asked herself. They scream for attention. She did not scream; she cried. But just got ignored. Nobody likes a person who cries.

She was alone. Forever alone. The loneliness was so profound she thought it made up her entire being. It took over. A small, lonely, motherless child cries to itself. But that does not accomplish anything. It was, however, a pattern she was caught in. It was like being caught in a giant spider’s web, like a fly not being able to tear itself away from it.

It was a sad life. Nobody really knew her. They all just looked on the outside and saw the fake smile. Heard the ”I’m fine, thanks”, and nobody cared to take a peek inside. But she was trapped on the inside and could not come out.

Inspired by The Daily Post:  Capable

barn

Infinite wisdom granted

If she could have one wished fulfilled, it would be the gift of infinite wisdom. At least that is what she first thought. Just imagine being able to be so wise as to be able to figure everything out. She would have the answers to all questions, the solutions to all problems. But imagine her infinite loneliness if she was the wisest person in the world. People would queue to press her for answers, but no one would want to befriend a person who knew just about everything. She would become utterly and totally alone. The loneliness would soon kill her, she thought, and regretted her wish.

But, alas, it was too late. Her wish had already been granted, and she was wise beyond her years. In fact, her wisdom knew no boundaries. At first, people were intrigued. And curious. They came to ask her all sorts of questions. Then they became envious and spiteful. People were still queuing because they still wanted to use her wisdom. But they still disregarded what she said and did things their own way. And failed. And when they failed, they blamed her. She lost all her friends, and even her own family shunned her. She was soon the loneliest person on the planet, just as she had predicted.

Inspired by The Daily Post:  Infinite

ensam

Tempted

Of course I was tempted. In my handbag I had the key to a safe, which I knew contained millions of dollars. My boss had entrusted it to me. Because he trusted me. Because he thought I was trustworthy. That, in turn, was the key to why I did not make a run for it and took the money.

My marriage was in shambles anyway; it was just a charade. And not a funny one either. For me it was more like living a nightmare every day. I wanted a divorce anyway and money was the one thing I needed to be able to divorce him, my tormentor.  Plus a fair amount of courage as well, of course.  He tortured me – not physically, though. But God knows that the mental part is even harder to withstand. He belittled me, and he gaslighted me. Everything was on his terms; he could not even stand it if I thought my own thoughts. He was always right, and I had to obey.

I wanted out while there was still a small part of me left that he had not taken over. If only my boss had told me in advance. I could have planned my escape in advance then. Where to go and what to do with the money. How to cover my tracks and pretend I was dead so my husband did not come after me.

But of course, in the end I did not want to let my boss down either. He entrusted millions of dollars with me. He trusted me, which meant he thought I was someone. I was a person to be trusted, a person with good character and judgment and not some worthless piece of crap.

Inspired by The Daily Post: Tempted

nyckel