Deathday

Fifty is sort of a horrible number for me. Humiliating. My body is breaking down, and I can’t stand it. I don’t  even recognize myself in the mirror these days. My hair used to be my one and only pride, but it’s turning grey now. It’s dry and frizzy and quite impossible. I don’t even have a hairstyle anymore. It all just greying frizz. Dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, mixing with lines of worry. Makeup doesn’t help these days. It just makes things look worse.

Nobody celebrated my fiftieth birthday. There was nothing to celebrate. Something horrible had happened. So horrible I can’t even write it down. I was somewhere else on my birthday. Involuntarily. It definitely wasn’t my choice. I was being denigrated. On my birthday. Let me say no more. For once in my life I was actually going to have a birthday party, not to celebrate but more as a compensation for growing older. But it wasn’t to be. I can’t talk about it, and I will never plan another birthday party. Never. I can’t stand the thought of birthdays. I live 364 days a year. On my birthday I’m dead. Emotionally dead if not physically.

Inspired by The Daily Post: Fifty

Fifty

His crumbling life

”What are you doing? You’re risking Everything. You’re even jeopardizing you’re marriage!” Don stared at his friend who had started gambling online. He knew that Billy had had problems with gambling before. In real casinos. But these online casinos were so much more accessible. They were everywhere where there was a computer or a mobile phone. For the life of him Don could not understand how theses things could be legal. It was like robbing people.

Billy was a recovering alcoholic. He had been in rehab more than once. His wife had stood by him, even when his drinking had turned into gambling. But that was then. She was much stronger now, and they were low on money again now due to Billy’s unemployment. Don did not think she would be as understanding now if Billy gambled away the rest of their money. Or worse, if he got himself in debt.

Billy was not only addicted to gambling, he was the eternal optimist. ”I will win next time”, was what he kept saying to Don. ”Just one more time and I’ll make it.” But he did not, and his life came crumbling down upon him, as if shaken by a horrible earthquake. Only he himself was the earthquake. He had great potential for destruction.

Inspired by The Daily Post: Jeopardize

Casino

Exhausted

It should have felt as pure luxury to have the whole house to herself. She knew she longed for it when the kids were there. They were rather demanding and noisy. She loved them to bits of course, but that made her no less tired. When they had finally fallen asleep – they looked like angels – she would slump onto the couch in front of the telly. It was all she could manage. She slept through most of the programmes, and sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night, wondering why she was not in her bed. It was never long untill one or both of the kids called for mummy and joined her in bed.

Her aching body and soul longed for alone time, but when her little darlings were with their daddy and it finally came, she found herself completely unable to enjoy it. She was too tired, working two jobs, and when she had time to think, her conscience conjured up guilty thoughts that just would not leave her alone. Had she done the right thing? Was she doing the right thing? Was she a good enough parent? Her brain bombarded her with thoughts and unanswerable questions in a never-ending stream.

Inspired by The Daily Post: Luxury

TV