I had never expected life with my children to be such a struggle, but then I had not expected to have two daughters with with autism and ADHD either. Every day is a struggle, and the days start early, at 4.30 a.m. approximately. But I haven’t had much sleep before that either. I put them to bed, and it takes anything between two and four hours before both of them have fallen asleep. I keep nodding off myself, lying beside the youngest one, but my oldest, in the top bunk bed, keeps talking and wakes me up every now and then because ”you’re not listening, mum!” Then when she is finally settled, I drag myself out into the bathroom, and if I have the energy I brush my teeth and change into my pyjamas. Otherwise I just collapse into bed in my clothes. I know I will soon be woken up anyway.

After no more than an hour one of my daughters will wake me up, either calling for mummy or crawling into my bed, and, more often than not, the other one will join us before I have had the chance to go back to sleep. Stuck in a small space in-between my Girls, there is no way I can fall asleep. Carefully, I wiggle out of bed, trying not to wake them up, I sneek into their bedroom and make myself comfortable in the lower bunk bed. ”Mummy, where are you?” My youngest daughter has a radar; as soon as I sneak off, she wakes up and comes after me. The bed is so narrow I fail to get any more sleep, and at 4.30 a.m. my oldest wakes me up rather brutally. No more sleep for me.

This goes on night after night. And day after day I have to leave them in day-care, kicking and screaming. And day after long day I have to work, even though I’m so tired I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t even know where I am  or where I’m going when I’m driving.

Inspired by The Daily Post: Struggle


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